"The quote board is so empty it'll make me cry." -Kristina

"If I had a dime for every time I heard that, I'd have, like, 30 cents." -Sam

"Let's put the porn book under 'woodwork'." -Wee Sam

"She loves failure. I can hear it in her voice." -Wee Sam, on a phone bank lady

"Your fat white mammy's ass is a partial!" -Wee Sam, who used this partial to answer "White Castle" correctly

"I found the 'Power of Pussy'!" -Matt

"No, the ass pie will eat the pudding." -Kristina

"My porn is in Wynona!" -Kayleen

"You hang out with Kayleen, don't you." -Sam

"If Mary Poppins is perfect, I don't want to be perfect!" -Sam

"I only caught the part about something coming out" -Sam

"That's a bad place to touch on me" -Goerger

"Is it a spreader? As in, spread her legs?" -Lingl

"My aunt shaves my mom's pussy. Get it right!" -Kayleen

"Oh God, you're gonna make me fill out forms?" -Emily

"Do you want pizza?" -damned anonymous quote
"No, we want porn!" -damned anonymous answer to the damned anonymous quote

"Who's Jesus?" -Steph

"Chandra... Chandra Chandra... Chandra... Chandra Chandra Chandra..." Chandra the Pokemon

"She keeps it up her... her... (points up) her... Kayleen!" -Sam

"At least I'm not gay." -Rumpy

"I feel like a dog that had its barker taken out." -Goerger

"It's not depressed, it's just hungry." -Kristina, on the stop sign by Nat & Chandra's house

"You can touch my ass, but don't kick me." -Aja

"She has very incriminating pictures of my monkey." Sam

"Give me a minute, I'll say something stupid..." -Sam

"Get it off! Get it off! I can't even scream!" -Kayleen

"No matter how good we suck..." -another cursed anonymous quote

"If she's dead, that would really piss me off" Chandra, on her sister's tardiness

"Of my God, just pull it off..." -Sam

"Can I get a partial on man sauce?" -Kayleen

"Oh no, I meant 6... 6... 6..." -Wee Sam

"This is team 34 for question number 8... Oh wait, we just got it." -Jeff

"I have to go potty, that was hard." -Spike

"My aunt shaved my mom's pussy, and now I'm going home to pet it." -Kristina

"Shooting Star 69! I like that! 69! Come on, her name is 'Madam Hootch'!" -Sam

"No no no no no... There was definately too much penis." -Joel

"Musical genius? Try Prince!" -Chandra

"Just stick a popsicle stick in it and dip it in chocolate." -Chandra

"No I'm not drunk yet. See, I can still spell Perkins!" -Chandra

"I am 100% man!" -Chandra

"Oh my God, I jsut got the pussy thing..." -Sam

"My most livid fondue memory..." -Chandra

"How do you spell 'Rassier'?" -Sam, who's last name is Rassier

"Le'ts get naked and try that, baby" -Sam

"The wood will come." -One of the Sarahs

"I haven't heard a Spanish name." -Wee SAam

"Nuh-uh. I said gonad." -LeAnna

"Don't touch my pussy, it'll go purrrrrr..." -LeAnna

"Are those drinks or hobbies?" -Kristina

"What are things you don't overhear in a bar in Jackson, Alabama?" -Joel
"Give me a randy farm hand?" -Kristina

"Do you wanna see my boobies bounce?" -Nat

"I don't know my nuts." -Jonathan

"Mother-fucking kenucles!" -Goerger

"Maybe cookies smell like Chandra! And when we smell 'fresh baked cookies', we're really smelling 'fresh baked Chandra'!" -Kristina

"You can scramble a walrus, why can't you scramble a chicken?" -Kristina

"Yeah. Let's all get naked." Matt

"I need some rum in my Coke." -Evelyn

"Fuck! I brought that! I rule!" -Kristina
"It's not a question." -Chandra
"Oh..." -Kristina

"I'm sure they'll accept other forms of payment... like checks!" -Kristina

"My dog's a lesbian." -Sam

"That's where my bra went!" -Nat